Music, dancing,
Never underestimate the wonderful impact of music in your life. Play the music you love, sing it or dance to it, it will get your mind in a different place. Worries go away, and you breathe more deeply.
Give way to music and let the songs fill you up. You can always get back to worrying later. Right now I’m listening to the Fenians and lovin’ it!
Having my own private party!
You can fine them on Pandora Radio!
Come on in
Probably the most courageous action that people take is to ask for help. Your child seems out of control, your marriage seems to be teetering on the brink of destruction, or you don’t feel like doing anything and you seem to have lost your motivation. Whatever the reason, counseling with another person can relieve some of the stress you are going through, handling things alone. Our sliding scale services are just that; depending on your income, you pay what you can afford, based on our scale. This is a big deal, coming in and talking to a professional about your private concerns, and we are here to listen and help you sort out the problems. Give us a quick call and we will set you up with a professional who cares.
We offer the discounted services because our therapists are in training for their MFT license and gaining more experience toward that license. The therapists are supervised by seasoned licensed therapists who work collaboratively with the counselor to provide the best service possible for you.
Everyday Victimhood
Most of us don’t realize it when we crossed the line from self sufficient to dependent, from self assured to insecurity, from self respected to feeling victimized. Sometimes it was getting into a relationship with someone who was indifferent to our needs or wants. Sometimes it was getting involved with someone who wanted to control us. And sometimes it was just taking a class where the teacher was using her power to be demeaning and critical. Whenever the change took place, you might have started believing the lie that you didn’t matter, that if only you tried harder you could make that person love you, or that the teacher was probably right, you are stupid.
Resigning from Victimhood.
It only takes some brain power to begin a positive self talk program that recognizes your worth as a human being and gives you the courage to push against those negative forces that try to bring you down.
A harsh remark, a sour look, or a sigh could be the trigger that, in the past would send you to a world of hurt.
When you resign from victimhood, you act like a duck and let it roll off your back. Shake it off and keep going. You are worth a world of self respect.
If you want self respect, it is alway helpful to give respect. Respecting yourself could come in the form of staying away from people you know will be rude or unkind to you.
14 Days in Ireland – Day 4: Slieve Donard Overlook (again), Tea with Violet, Cushendall, Cushendun, Torr Head, and Dunluce Castle
If you want to get away from it all, enjoy!
Tired Single Parent Syndrome
Too many single parents have the always tired feeling. No wonder, you do so much! It isn’t your imagination, you are bone weary because you are trying very hard to get it all done and don’t have that extra helping hand. You juggle so many details every day, and it can sometimes be overwhelming. Now that school is starting, you have even more appointments, and yet at the end of the day, you will have gotten it all done.
Give yourself an atta girl or atta boy for all the many things you do as a single parent. If you are waiting for your kids to appreciate your full plate, you may be waiting until your hair is grey! Do yourself a favor and after work, and a minute listening to kids’ day, sit in a quiet place and just veg for at least one half hour. If your vegging is to take a walk, then do that, but you have to have some fill up time. I read a mediation book to quiet my mind. Some people watch the cooking channel! Whatever you need to fill up, do it without guilt. You will always be there for your kids, but if you don’t put that oxygen mask on first, you will have a too run down parent on your hands, and that’s not good.
Many single parents who are in a relationship don’t want to bother the other adult in the house because it isn’t their kid. They feel they must take on all the responsibility, for fear they will overwhelm, bother or burden the other person. Why don’t you ask and see?
I’m in your corner. I am your best cheer leader. You are an amazing parent. Now you just have to realize that yourself!
Talk to you soon…
Sound Bites for Single Parents
Today, more than ever, we are not listening to more than a sentence or two of what anyone says. This is sad, because sometimes people have some really important things to say, and yet our attention spans are getting smaller and smaller.
Attention span is the amount of time that a person can concentrate on a task without becoming distracted. Most educators and psychologists agree that the ability to focus one’s attention on a task is crucial for the achievement of one’s goals.[1]
In these wonderful internet days, studies have shown that most people don’t spend more than a minute on any internet site, we also short people on our listening skills. What person has been in mid-sentence and found that the other person has literally walked away or nodded and look around for someone else to talk to?
If this is an adult dilemma, it is now wonder that children are developing shorter and shorter attention spans and second-rate listening skills.
Our challenge as parents is to show with our own sound bites how important listening to another human being is in the grand scheme.
As a paid listener, I have seen people’s faces light up when they realize I remember a tidbit someone told me from a previous counseling session. I see how children stand taller when you remember to buy their favorite video that they said they liked.
Most children learn by imitation. They observe how you listen, and how much attention you give to tasks, or people. Are you rude to some people and nice to others? They are watching, and taking note, not always to imitate but sometimes to tell themselves, “That’s not how I am going to be when I get older.”
Do you cut your child off mid sentence and tell them to go put their clothes away? Or do you patiently wait out a complete sentence?
How you engage your child in conversation and hear about their day at daycare or school is the building block for a long and fruitful parenting life. How you talk to your child’s parent and about your child’s parent or grandparent is how you will be hearing them talk about you in the future. Kind words don’t cost a cent and a moment or two of interested listening can go a long way in teaching your child good social habits.
Did I keep your attention? Let me know? I am listening….
Changes
There are some things that need to stay the same, and others that need to be changed. If the shoe hurts, take it off, and get another pair of shoes. I know so many people who go around in tight shoes and complain as they limp along. It makes sense to everyone else, “Why doesn’t she just go get a new pair of shoes?” they say.
Not so simple in marriage. Men and women remain miserable for years, hoping the the other person will stop their addiction and turn around and look at them. They even cope with violence and extreme verbal abuse, for the sake of love.
I am not an advocate for separation or divorce. I do work with people though, that are single again, and still living in the past. Once you have made the decision to go, do not look back, because you might just crash into something while you have your eyes on that lost or left soul. Just remember, God doesn’t have any grandchildren. That person was there managing in the world before you met and she will be okay with you gone. Get your eyes on the road ahead of you today and follow the advice of wise others. They tell you to get active, get active. They tell you to go back to school, do it. It is the only adventure story you have, and you might as well get on with it!
More tomorrow!
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